


Should I stay or should I go?

by Hauclair



Category: Captain America, Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Comfort, First Kiss, Hurt, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, M/M, Stucky - Freeform, Violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-27
Updated: 2018-06-27
Packaged: 2019-05-29 07:00:09
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,055
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15067700
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hauclair/pseuds/Hauclair
Summary: Bucky keeps getting hurt and drifting back to steve. He never stays longer than what it takes to patch him up, but he starts thinking, maybe he should stay...





	Should I stay or should I go?

**Author's Note:**

> So, this fic is part of the Cap reverse Big Bang! It was interesting to write, losing muse for the characters, writing 5 things before actually liking it... criticizing my work heavily.  
> I know this isn’t great but I hope you’ll all enjoy.  
> This was beta read by my sister in law and a close friend of mine, pie. 
> 
> Here is a link to the artwork this story is inspired by. https://m.imgur.com/GwzghBn

Bunker a few hours outside of Brooklyn, 1:43 AM.

Bucky grunted and he was shot for yet another time. That makes it 5 times the hydra agent had hit him so far. It had been so long without food that he was off his game. He was dizzy, malnourished, angry, and probably bleeding out. Adrenaline pumped through his veins, giving him another push, allowing him to kill the final two hydra agents. Bucky held his stomach, where the worst wounds were, he knew it was bad, he just didn’t realize how bad. Bucky slowly made his way out of the bunker, out into the forest in New York.  
All he had wanted to do was get his files and then leave, but no, he just had to be worn down, in a bunker with agents who had been given experimental drugs and advanced weaponry. The moment he saw the first agent, he knew something was off, very off, he had never seen someone look like this before. The agent was much bigger than any of his handlers had ever been, and that was saying something, and their eyes were dead and bloodshot. The moment he was grabbed by the throat, he knew he was fucked. Normally Bucky could handle guys this big, guys much bigger even, but he definitely couldn’t when this worn down. He never should’ve tried to get his files. 

Bucky shook the thoughts from his head and kept walking. He stole the first vehicle that he came across, and headed straight for Brooklyn, New York. He knew that this man would help him, no doubts about it, he just knew.   
Bucky pulled up to the apartment building and looked up, trying to decide the best way to get in. He couldn’t decide if it would be a better idea to scale the building or just climb the stairs and pick the lock to the apartment. Both ways had risks, scaling the building could cause attention, and picking the lock could alert the owner to him coming in. But then again, smashing through a window would make a lot of noise… Not to mention he was hurt and bleeding out, so both ways would completely suck. Obviously he planned to interact with the other man, but he didn’t want to scare him and start yet another fight. His body wouldn’t be able to handle that, there was already so much trauma to his body. Bucky sighed and decided the best course of action would be to climb the 27 flights of stairs, and then pick the lock.  
Bucky was sure as Hell glad that it appeared no one used the stairs, because he was dripping blood everywhere. He was losing far too much blood, and hoped he wouldn’t pass out before he got to the apartment. As he climbed, as he lost more and more blood, memories flashed through his head. He didn’t remember much from his time before hydra, but the trauma his body was going through… being so near death, things were just coming back to him. He had flashes of a small blonde boy, interacting with him, taking care of him, he could actually almost feel the love radiating from the memories involving the blonde. He didn’t know if they were all true, if any of it was true, but they were keeping him going, drawing him closer and closer to the man in the apartment. Bucky paused for a moment and winced, still clutching his bleeding stomach. 27 stories really felt a lot further than it actually was, because of his injuries. He started walking again, not realizing that he had left a big puddle of blood on the stairs.   
He finally got to floor 27, and headed into the hallway, going to apartment 2713. Bucky crouched down in front of the door and pulled out a pin, picking the lock easily.  
He stepped into the apartment quietly and unsteadily, shocked the man hadn’t been alerted to his presence yet. Well, he wasn’t considered a ghost for nothing… Bucky made his way to the bathroom, and started to go through the drawers and cabinets. When he stood back up though, he felt a gun to the back of his head. He dropped the bandages and spin around. That’s when he came face to face with a ghost from his past. Sure, he knew he’d run into him, he had counted on it, breaking into the man’s apartment and all. However, he suddenly wasn’t ready. “Steve,” Bucky breathed out, and looked at the man with wide eyes. 

Steve heard movement in the direction of the bathroom, and stood, setting aside the book he had been reading. He quietly grabbed the gun from his nightstand and made his way to the bathroom. As he got there, he watched as a long haired brunette rifled through his cabinets. Steve brought the gun up to the back of the man’s head, clicking the safety off.   
As soon as the man faced him, and his name spilled from his lips, he clicked the safety on and dropped the gun. “Bucky,” steve said in return, and then his eyes drifted to where Bucky was holding his abdomen. Steve's eyes widened when he saw the blood soaked clothes, and he gasped. “Oh my god, Buck, sit down!” He demanded and picked up the bandages that Bucky had dropped moments earlier.   
Steve pushed Bucky to sit down, and crouched in front of him. He was surprised at how easily Bucky was complying, but then again… it seemed as if Bucky was losing a lot of blood, and very fast. There was no telling just how much blood Bucky had already lost. Steve pulled Bucky's hand from his stomach, and the man above him winced and gasped. He looked at the wound and sucked in a breath, this wasn’t good, not at all. Steve really hoped that he could save his old friend.  
He moved to grab a wet cloth and started to carefully dab at Bucky's wounds. Feeling bad when the man grunted. Steve tried to examine the gunshots, but it was hard with how heavily Bucky was bleeding. He carefully moved Bucky, turning him to check his back for an exit wound. Steve sighed in relief when he realized that all of the bullets had gone right through. With no bullets inside of Bucky’s body, his job had been made a bit easier. Things went from completely hopeless, to a lot better in just moments.  
Steve moved from Bucky for just a moment to grab a met kit he had in the bathroom, and quickly gathered what he needed. Steve moved back to Bucky, cleaning his stomach once more. “I’m sorry, Buck, I don’t have anything to numb you, but I need to get you stitched up,” steve said apologetically.   
“I don’t give a shit, I can handle the pain, just hurry the hell up before I die on your damn toilet in your shitty bathroom.” Bucky gritted out and looked into Steve’s eyes, nodding to give his permission.   
Steve stared into Bucky’s eyes for a moment, nodding back, then brought the needle to Bucky's skin. He hated this, hated having to stitch the man up as he bled out. Steve sighed and pushed the needle through the skin, and pulled the thread through he periodically glanced up at Bucky, watching the man’s facial expressions, and slapped him once in awhile as he nodded out.  
When Steve finished, he took a deep breath and sat back, watching Bucky closely for a moment before moving to hug the man tightly. He couldn’t believe he was seeing him after so long. Sure he saw Bucky a few months ago, but that didn’t count since Bucky was trying to kill him.  
Steve held Bucky tightly despite the man being tense in his arms. He wanted to keep Bucky close, hold him tightly, and never let go again. Steve really had hated himself for so long before this, for letting Bucky fall from the train, Now was his time to redeem himself, and he started by stitching his friend up.   
Eventually though, steve let go and bit his lip, finally getting the chance to take all of Bucky in. The man was thin, clearly losing muscle, and had very dark bags under his eyes. It was no wonder at all that Bucky had been clearly, easily beaten. Steve sighed and stood up, taking Bucky’s hand to lead him from the bathroom.  
Steve brought Bucky into the bedroom and carefully laid him down, not caring if he got blood on the bedding. “Go to sleep, you need rest, ok?” Steve murmured and pulled the blankets up over Bucky.  
“Stop treating me like a damn kid, would ya? I’m fine. Just a bit banged up is all.” Bucky huffed, but cuddled up into the blankets, shutting his eyes.  
Steve smiled softly at the now sleeping man and grabbed a spare blanket from the closet. He laid down on the floor, pulling the blankets tightly around himself, Admittedly though, steve was anxious, which made it hard to sleep. Eventually Steve fell asleep, dreaming of Bucky.  
The next morning steve woke up and immediately looked to the bed, checking for Bucky. The man wasn’t in bed though, and steve shot up, going through his apartment to try finding him. It was no luck though, Bucky was gone, and he had taken supplies. Steve sighed and flopped down on to a chair, suddenly feeling sad. 

Bucky had woken up early, quietly creeping past steve, heading to the bathroom. He changed his bandages and took all the medical supplies he could find, and then moved on to the kitchen. He stuffed his bag full of food and drinks. Bucky looked around the apartment once more, and sighed, leaving the building with no intention of coming back.   
————  
2 months later in Westchester NY, 9:20 pm

Bucky growled and threw his bag against the tree next to him, rifling through it. He was bleeding profusely and had no supplies left, at the moment it seemed his only hope appeared to be to go back to steves.   
It had been two months since he had been to steves apartment, Bucky was able to ration his food well, and hadn’t had many injuries that needed bandages. Well, not until now that is.   
So, what happened now was a building had blown up… with him in it. It was yet again another hydra raid gone wrong, they’d been going good recently until he did this one, and set the trap off. The first round of explosives went off as he entered a room and he swore, running to find the exit. Whoever set the trap up was smart though, they had all the exits locked and barricaded. Bucky was still for a moment, just thinking. He was on the third story of the building, not too high up, and everything was exploding. Shrapnel was piercing skin, and flames were burning him. Bucky had no choice, he needed to jump from the window. He took Breath and ran towards the window closest to him, smashing through it and plummeting towards the ground. In times like this, air pressure is what usually killed a person, but Bucky was a lucky man, he somehow had avoided burst eardrums, exploded muscles and intestines. His breath was knocked from him as he hit the ground though. He stayed there for a few minutes, just until he heard the sirens. He couldn’t stay any longer, the cops and feds wouldn’t take well to the winter soldier being at the scene of an explosion. Bucky pushed himself up with a grunt and ran off, back to the car he was using.   
Back to the current moment though, now he really needed medical supplies and he had none, so it was time to visit steve again. Bucky grumbled and turned the car on, driving towards Brooklyn. He thought that maybe he was using steve, but he didn’t care, he needed supplies.  
Bucky pulled up to the apartment building and walked inside, climbing the 27 flights of stairs. He had stolen the spare key the last time he was there, so he used that to get in this time. Bucky walked in as if he owned the place, clearly scaring the shit out of steve who was watching tv on the couch.   
“Patching myself up,” Bucky muttered and headed straight to the bathroom, collecting all the medical supplies. He walked back out into the living room and flopped down on the couch next to steve. When Bucky looked at the man, he still had a surprised look on his face.  
“What, you’ve never seen a guy patch up his wounds before? I gotta stay alive yknow, can’t just leave everything wide open after having a building explode on me.” Bucky scoffed and started pulling shrapnel from his body, soaking up the blood with a towel.   
“Nice to know you only come here when you need something,” steve rolled his eyes and watched Bucky clean himself up. He really did hate that Bucky only stopped by if he needed or wanted something. “Do you plan on staying tonight or you Gunna take my Shit and leave again?” He questioned snarkily.   
Bucky looked at steve and rolled his eyes, he was being petty, unreasonable! Bucky had nowhere else to go, he just went where he knew he would be safe. “I don’t have anywhere else to go when I get injured, steve. Unless you’d rather I don’t come get supplies when u need them, and die, because that’s cool.” Bucky growled and started bandaging his wounds. “I’m not sure if I’ll stay, maybe I will, maybe u won’t. If I do leave, maybe I’ll pop in more often when I’m not injured so you don’t get bitchy again.” He told steve and leaned back, taking the bag of Doritos that steve was currently eating.   
“I get that you have nowhere else to go, and I don’t want you to die, but I wish I got to see you when you weren’t injured.” Steve sighed and shook his head. “I’d like if you popped in more often, even if you only come to steal my Doritos and my bed.” He chuckled and watched Bucky with a smile, trying to lighten the mood.  
Bucky looked back at steve and raised his eyebrows. “Stop staring at me, it’s weird. You in love with me or some shit?” He mumbled and shoved some Doritos into his mouth. He had to admit- steve was attractive, but he didn’t want steve falling for him, he wasn’t a good person to be falling for, quite the opposite. All he ever did was get put in bad situations, and get the people he was close to hurt. He had gotten close to a few people while he was with hydra, And they ended up dead. He shook the thought from his head and shoved more Doritos into his mouth.  
“No! I just haven’t seen you in so long, when you aren’t just a complete mess. It’s nice to see you healing and relaxing, just eating Doritos.” Steve mumbled and sighed. He had been secretly in love with Bucky since they were children, if he was being honest. Bucky had always helped him, made him feel loved, and those feelings are just coming back to him, seeing Bucky like this.  
Bucky scoffed and shook his head. “Whatever, just don’t fall for me, got it? You fall for me and you end up dead, i don’t need you dead, because I steal your shit to stay alive. You die and you have no shit for me to steal.” He mumbled and tossed the empty Dorito bag aside. 

————  
Steve never thought he would see Bucky again. He had been depressed and moping for 2 months now, that was why he was so shocked when Bucky walked through the door. He just stared with wide eyes and watched Buckys every movement. He wasn’t going the greatest mentally since Bucky left, he almost thought that Bucky was a hallucination at first, and didn’t snap out of it until Bucky took the Doritos.   
Steve couldn’t help himself but want to hold the other man, cuddle him, keep him close and safe forever.   
They both stayed silent for a few hours, just watching movies together, slowly moving closer and closer towards each other. At some point in time, Bucky fell asleep, leaning against steve. The blonde couldn’t bring himself to fall asleep with the Man, too afraid he’d wake alone like the last time. He forced himself to stay awake, lightly running his fingers through buckys long, dark hair. The movement was soothing, almost making him drift to sleep a few times.  
Steve watched Bucky as the man’s eyes fluttered open, and he smiled. “Hey, buck… want something to eat?” He asked softly and removed his fingers from buckys hair.  
Bucky looked up at steve and nodded, yawning. “Yeah, that would be nice. I haven’t had a good hot meal in awhile.” He mumbled and sat up, no longer leaning on steve.  
Steve nodded and stood up, heading to the kitchen, feeling cold and somewhat lonely, suddenly wanting to be cuddled back up on the couch with Bucky. He sighed and started to grab all the things he needed to make the two of them breakfast. He glanced over when Bucky sat down at the island and smiled. “I’m glad you didn’t run off as soon as you woke up…” he mumbled and started mixing ingredients together to make them pancakes.  
Bucky nodded and shrugged. “I couldn’t pass up the opportunity for an actual breakfast.” He mumbled and watched steve, not really wanting to admit that he actually did want to stay. “I might actually stay here for awhile, I wouldn’t want to miss anymore breakfasts, yknow. Or lunches, or dinners.” He mumbled and looked away.  
That made steve smile, an actual, genuine smile. “You can stay as long as you’d like, my home is your home. It always has been, and it always will be.” He said softly and poured the batter into the pan, then leaned against the counter and looked at Bucky. “Personally, I’d prefer if you never wanted to leave, it would be so much better with you around here.” Steve admitted and crossed his arms over his chest.  
Bucky looked at steve and sighed, shaking his head. “I’m not sure if it’s safe for me to. there is bound to be people still looking for me, they’d find out I’m here and they’d hurt you- hurt us. It’s not safe, I’m not safe, I can’t risk getting you hurt.” He said quietly, keeping his eyes trained on the man.  
“Bucky, I don’t give a shit if hydra comes for me! I’ve won against them before, I’ve fought aliens, robots, all sorts of weird things! I want you to stay, I can handle myself if they come, sobeit. We will be fine, you deserve to have a good life, you deserve to finally relax!” Steve exclaimed and ran his fingers through his short blonde hair. He was stressed, frustrated, sort of angry even. This whole situation was absolute bullshit, he hated that he and Bucky were going through this, it was unfair. Bucky deserves happiness, nothing less than, and it pissed him off that it seemed Bucky could never, and would never get it. But now, steve was determined, he was determined to give Bucky a good life, the best that he could provide. Bucky looked at steve with surprise on his face, not expecting the passion that steve had currently. “Yeah, Whatever you say, steve. I suppose that I will stay, let you try to help me, I’ll try to relax.” Bucky agreed then pointed to the pan on the stove. “I said hot breakfast, not burnt.” He joked, trying to lighten the mood, and watched as steve rushed to get the pan off of the stove.   
“Shit! I’m sorry buck… this all just distracted me. I’ll start the food over.” Steve sighed and set the burnt pan aside, pouring new batter into a different pan. “I’m glad you’ll stay, that means so much to me.” 

Through the next year, in Brooklyn New York.

It had been one year since bucky agreed to stay with Steve, and everything had been going wonderfully. Things had changed, but it was a good change.  
It was hard on Bucky at first, he really didn’t know what to do with himself, he didn’t know how to react to finally being safe. He was constantly looking over his shoulder, constantly being paranoid and scared. Every time he heard the floorboards creak, a door open, something tap on the window, a crash, he’d jump and reach for a gun.  
That eventually calmed down though, and he became much more relaxed. He found himself cuddling up to steve even, holding onto the man, laughing and smiling. He could even feel himself falling for steve, wanting to be with him more and more. sometimes he’d even crawl into bed with steve, despite having his own. 

Six months into being there, everything changed for the better. Steve had kissed Bucky, they were watching a funny movie, and steve had just… leaned in and pressed a kiss to buckys lips. That had shocked Bucky and he had pulled away and ran, not coming back for hours. That was how their relationship began. They talked about the kiss, about their feelings. Bucky was finally content with life.  
Right now, steve and Bucky were out in a date, they tried having date nights at least once a week. That was due to steves insistence on spoiling Bucky. The blonde tried to give Bucky anything and everything, to let the dark haired man relax and have fun, give him everything he never had before. Bucky really felt like the luckiest guy in the whole entire world. He couldn’t believe that he had ever been hesitant before.  
Back to currently though, they were eating at a fancy “retro” restaurant, which had actually been around since the 20’s. Bucky and steve had gone once as teenagers when steves illness was better for the first time in a year. They scraped together the money to go and have a nice meal. It was much more expensive now, and much much more romantic.   
They had finished off a bottle of wine before dinner even came, and were holding hands over the table. They couldn’t feel the effects of the alcohol, but were still giddy with excitement. They always felt this way with each other.   
Even as their food was set down and they started eating, they didn’t stop holding hands. They wanted to feel close, to never let go of each other, so they didn’t. They finished their meal and paid, leaving the restaurant, to go walking through the park.  
“Steve, I love you so much…” Bucky said quietly as they walked, his arm wrapped around steves waist. “I’ve never felt this way in my life, I feel so full of happiness, of hope.” He said and looked into steves eyes, with a smile on his face. He really did believe that steve was the most beautiful man that he had ever seen.  
Steve smiled brightly and pressed a kiss to bucky's forehead. “I love you too. However I have felt this way before. I felt this way when we were kids, I have always loved you, and I always will. We’re connected, I need you, and you need me…” he murmured and pressed a soft kiss to bucky's lips.   
Bucky blushed at that and kissed steve back, resting his free hand on the back of steve's neck. “C’mon, let’s go home.” He said once they pulled away, slightly breathless, and held steve a bit closer, a bit tighter. He wanted to get home so he could cuddle up to steve and watch a movie, with their new puppy laying with them.   
Steve smiled and nodded in agreement, wrapping his arm around Bucky as well. “That sounds like the most perfect plan ever. There’s this movie I’ve been hearing people rave about recently, it’s called love, Simon. It’s apparently super gay. We should watch that.” Steve suggested as they started walking back towards the apartment building.  
Bucky hummed and nodded, not wanting to tell steve that he had watched the movie on his own once already. “Lets do that, I actually already have the movie bought on amazon, I’ve been wanting to ask you to watch it with me.” He smiled and kissed steves shoulder as they walked into the apartment building, heading to the elevator.   
Steve pulled Bucky in for a hug as they stood in the elevator. He was thinking about the past months, and how he was so glad he was where he currently was in his life. He was on top of the world, feeling as though nothing could go wrong, nothing would ever ruin his mood. 

Turns out, steve was wrong. One step into the apartment and his mood was crushed, his happiness thrown out the window.  
They stepped into the apartment and each man was grabbed before they were even fully inside. They were separated, each put on different sides of the room, and tied up with vibranium laced rope. There was no hope for them getting out of the ropes, no hope for them to get back to each other, to fight.   
There was two hydra agents now looming over steve, knives in hand, and each had multiples guns in holsters.   
“You took our boy, Rogers, you’re going to pay for that… took us awhile to figure out where he was, but damn are you guys foolish. Going out so often, acting like a fuckin couple. You two should know better than anyone that you could never have that. Especially not the asset. So, now you have to pay, Rogers, you have to pay for taking him. His punishment is having to watch, oh, and he’ll get so much more when we get him back to base…” the one agent said with a big grin, and crouched down to be eye level with steve.  
Steve sneered and pulled on the restraints, knowing it wasn’t going to actually help anything. “Screw you! You don’t own him! You don’t deserve him! I’m going to keep my boyfriend safe!” He yelled and kicked his legs towards one guy, uselessly.   
The agent just laughed and stood up, looking to the other hydra member. “You have your fun with Bucky. I want to torture the captain, just make sure the asset watches, I want to traumatize the little bastard.” He laughed and tore steves shirt off, trailing the sharp knife down steves chest, cutting him deeply. He continued to drag the knife along steves body, cutting lines into his body, watching as the blood leaked out all over his chest and the floor under him.   
Bucky yelled and thrashed, wanting to get to steve, trying his hardest. “Hey me go you fucker!” He screamed and tried to pull his face away. It was currently being held so he was staring right at steve. “I’m going to fucking kill you! I’m going to get out of these restraints and I’m going to murder you! Don’t fucking touch him!” He growled and continued to try pulling away from the hand currently holding his face in place.   
The agent cutting into steve laughed and rolled his eyes. “Your bitch is watching, steve. This is the last time he’s ever gunna see you, we gotta make it memorable.” He hummed and pulled the knife back, giving steve a moment of relief. That didn’t last long though, he plunged the knife into steves lung, puncturing it. “Look at big bad captain America, not so big and bad now… you’re a fuckin mess. It’s pathetic.” He spit out and sneered, pulling the knife out. “You seriously thought you’d get to have a life with our boy… you made a big mistake, now you don’t even get to have a life.” He laughed again and brought the knife to steves neck, trailing it across it lightly.   
Steve screamed when the knife went into him, then gasped loudly. He was trying to breathe, but it was becoming increasingly hard with the punctured lung. He shut his eyes and continued to try and breathe, not moving so the knife against his throat wouldn’t go in. He could hear Bucky screaming and swearing from across the room, it hardly registering to him. He couldn’t focus on anything other than the pain, everything else, the voices, just being background noise. He couldn’t even bring himself to feel hatred for hydra and the agents in front of him, he was too tired. He knew that these were more than likely going to be his last moments, and that hurt. “I love you…” he whispered to Bucky, and opened his eyes, staring at Bucky.   
Bucky sobbed and stared right back, not wanting steve to feel alone. “I love you too.” He said quietly, his lower lip trembling. “We’ll always be together, ok baby? I’ll be with you soon…” he said, knowing, fearing, that steve was going to die. This topped anything he had ever been through. This was the worst moment of his life. He was finally happy, finally free, relaxed, and then hydra came charging back in. He had never hated them more than he did in this moment. Bucky knew, he knew that if steve died, he would raise holy hell, and then… he would die as well, he would be with steve again, one way or another…   
Neither steve nor Bucky had ever been very religious, at least not in current times. But here the both of them were, praying that neither of them would have to die. And it seemed their prayers were answered, as the door slammed open, and one agent died from and arrow through the head, the other a gunshot through the brain. “Everything’s going to be ok.” The archer said quietly as he reached steve, just as the man passed out.  
And he was right, everything was going to be ok. Neither of them would have to die. Not today.


End file.
